.tied up.

Monday, October 04, 2004

nostalgic.

i went to the wake.
finally.
after two days of not being near him.
however.
everything was just so rushed.
i greeted my grandma, uncles and aunties, cousins... etc.
but really.
i didn't feel anything.
i wasn't sad.
don't know why.
there wasn't that sadness in me.
maybe cause i knew there he will be in heaven.
and i know, that the peace i prayed for.
has been given to him.
and i was glad that he's saved.
i could sense some hostiliy amongst my relatives.
probably due to fact i wasn't around the past few days.
spending my time studying for the promos.
i could sense the grief some of my relatives had.
and some indifference in others.
the cousins.
we were asked to write a eulogy for my grandfather.
that was when i started thinking of what my grandfather was to me.
it never really occurred to me to think about him.
i told myself to not think about it and just study.
but tonight.
i thought.
my cousin said she couldn't remember anything about him.
but i knew.
when i was a kid.
i used to visit him on sundays.
and he'll always cuddle me and play with me.
tickle me and make me laugh.
then he'll reach for this tupperware.
it came in stacks of threes.
it was light brown.
it was on the upper shelf.
in one corner of the room.
and in that box.
lay many treasures.
something i remember as treasures.
sweets. :)
he'll take one out and give it to me.
me, being greedy would ask for more!
but he'll always say "no. one only"
but in the end, he'll let me have the whole box of sweets.
yum.
i used to enjoy going ah kong's place.
to look at old photos.
and to laugh at the dressing and appearance of all my uncles and aunties and of course to laugh at how my father looked.
ah kong was a handsome young man.
and ah mah was a pretty young woman.
:)
nice.
anyway.
then i remember the time when he stayed with us.
ah kong ALWAYS brought back extra food for us.
dinner will always have that plate of roasted meat.
yummy.
ah kong was a kind and generous man.
especially when it comes to food. :)
yeah.
then i remembered he's love for ah boy.
he always doted on ah boy.
never failing to indulge in giving ah boy "restricted" food.
which got me quite angry many times.
but well.
after they left.
i didn't have that many a chance to see ah kong and ah mah.
we only met during family gatherings.
and when we sent my brother off.
but i miss him dearly.
though my adolescent years were pretty detached from him.
my childhood years had many fond memories of him.
i will miss u ah kong.
but i know.
you're in heaven with God.
and you're free from pain and suffering there.
i will see u again one day.
but for now.
it's time for a nice bath and rest.
tmw's a day for studying econs.
then i'll take my paper.
sigh.
i wish i could go for the funeral tmw.
but i can't
what sort of grand daughter am i?
i can't even attend my ah kong's funeral.
sigh.
oh well.
...

[ Jude whispered ][ 10:00 PM ]

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